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Why My New Year's Resolution Is My New Life Mantra


I usually don’t do New Year’s Resolutions. Whenever I try to keep them throughout the year, I feel like I'm just setting myself up for disaster. What with thinking up a truly idealistic goal ("I'm going to be fluent in Italian by the end of the year!") and then telling people all about it (next year in December- Them: so how is your Italian going? Me: Er… spaghetti? Linguine? Minestrone…? Mozzareeeeellaaaa…sticks? Uh, ciao, gotta run!), it just never seems to work out for me. I either give up or just lose interest. Maybe I don’t pick the right goal for me or maybe I just can’t get motivated enough to go through with it. But this year, I have an actual goal in mind that could really change my life for the better. Because even though I titled this my New Year’s resolution, this is goal I actually thought up a few months ago and have decided to not only make it my new goal for 2020, but my new mantra for life.

But let me rewind and go back to when this whole journey started.

I’ve been pretty meek and shy all my life. A natural introvert. Believe it or not, I was more outspoken and angry back when I was younger, but as my self-esteem got worse, I become more quiet and docile. I let people control me and make decisions for me. From friends to boyfriends to doctors, it was just easier that way and I felt like people liked me more because I was so agreeable. Did it make me a doormat? Heck yes. Have people ever taken advantage of that? Oh yes. Oh yes yes yes. (Boy, do I have some stories!)

I’ve also always been the natural go between for people. For my family and friends in fights, I’d be the one they’d tell their side of the story to me, complain about the other person, when the whole time I’d just be screaming in my head, “just go tell them and work it out yourselves and leave me out of it!!” But instead I’d just smile and nod and tell them I understood. I didn’t want to be that person that they were complaining about to someone else. Like I said, it was just easier this way instead of saying what I really felt.

I’ve even let myself be walked over. I always try my best to be kind and polite, but as lovely as that is, I never get to say what I feel or sometimes I’m too afraid to be confrontational. From people like family and friends to authority figures like doctors, I never really questioned what they told me, how they told me things, what treatments/medications to do/take. And if I tried to speak up to a doctor (which was rare!), they’d (usually) listen, but then dismiss my suggestions because they were the doctors and knew best. (I’m not saying all doctors and medical professionals are like this, but I’ve run into a lot of them over the years!)

Well, something put me over the edge this year- 2019. (This is where the story truly begins!) It started last year (2018) at a trip to a new dentist (my old dentist was good, and while usually nice, made me feel bad about my teeth. Let me preface this by saying I have bad teeth, from genetics and medications, so I do take care of my teeth, but unfortunately due to the things mentioned, they aren’t in the best shape. So I feel like I shouldn’t be shamed for the hand that was dealt to me, but this dentist and his associates made me feel like it was my fault). I decided to leave my old dentist and try a new one that was less expensive and was leased in a super store that I shall not name, but the brand is huge and all over the world and starts with a “W” and ends in “mart.” (That’s all the hints I’m giving you. I’m sorry for making it such a puzzler for you!)

I looked up the dental office and they had pretty good reviews online, so I set up an appointment, had my appointment where they were super nice and even understood why I was so anxious. Plus, they didn’t shame me for having bad teeth! (This was a revelation to me!) Afterwards, they said they had a plan where I could pay for two cleanings plus x-rays for a flat fee. Altogether it was $40 less than one visit and x-ray at my old dental office so I was pretty excited. Basically I had already paid for both cleanings, had one done, and now just had to wait six months for my next. (Plus, I didn’t have any cavities!)

My next appointment was supposed to be in February of this year, 2019, and I’ll be honest, I lost my reminder card (ironic) and forgot about it. (Strangely, they didn’t call me to remind me of my appointment or call when I missed my appointment. Warning sign!) When I did remember (a month or two later), I called and apologized and asked if I could get a new appointment. The lady said they were under construction, but she would add my name to the list to call when they were done renovating. I thanked her and hoped they’d call soon since I was overdue for my cleaning. (See, I take care of my teeth, dentists reading this!)

Guess what? I didn’t hear back from them! I called again, a month or so later, and asked, “Hi! I still need to get my teeth cleaned! Are you guys still under construction?” The answer was a yes and they’d again add me to the list to call when they were done with construction. Okay. Fine. I can wait. And I did.

Finally, I was sick of the back and forth of phone calls and waiting. I went down to my local super store that shall not be named (should we just call it Voldemort at this point?) and went to the dental office to actually talk to someone in person (how assertive of me! Who is she??). I talked to a nice woman at the desk, who said that they were still under construction and it was taking a while because after each change, since they were renting from, er, Voldemort, they had to get Voldemort’s approval (which I can imagine is very hard to do). I said I understood and again, was put on a list of people to call so I could get an appointment.

As I patiently waited (because I trusted them and thought that’s what I was supposed to do and always did), I got more and more frustrated. Getting my teeth cleaned fills me with anxiety and I just wanted to get this over with! I tried calling again, but just got a voicemail message. I left several messages of my own, but no one ever called me back. Then one day I checked their website and it was gone. Vanished. Poof.  (Black magic from Voldemort?) My normally nice and understanding self was suddenly very worried and upset that I had been duped and cheated (which I had been!).

I went down to Voldemort and checked in at the dental office. Lo and behold, it, much like its website, was gone! I asked a Voldemort employee, a very helpful person (or a Death Eater?) what happened, and they said that the dental office just disappeared one night. I was brave and asked to speak to a manager to get more information, and all they said was to either contact Voldemort corporate (haha, Voldemort’s gone corporate!) or contact the Better Business Bureau. That was it.

This pushed me over the edge. I know a few hundred dollars may not seem like a lot to many people, but to me, it’s a lot, and guess what? I want my money back! Now the old Emily would have just given up and thought, “well, that’s just my life, I guess.” But no. Not this time.

Which brings me to my new year’s resolution aka my new life mantra: no more bulls*t or take no sh*t. Take your pick. I like them both.

With this new mantra and way of life, no longer am I going to be meek and compliant. I am going to speak up if I have a problem, and continue to speak up until my problem is resolved. I am going to stand up for myself. I need to be an advocate for myself and protect myself. You know, in the nicest possible way that I can while also being productive and moving things along. That goes without saying.

I’m not saying that I’m going to be mean and to be the “let me talk to the manager” mom meme. (You know that one I’m talking about!) While I was also taught to be polite, I was also taught to be nice. I think kindness is so important in this world where everyone is busy and everyone forgets how much a nice interaction can just make a person’s day. So I always try to be nice no matter what. Just because I’m in an argument or in a misunderstanding, doesn’t mean I have to treat the other person badly or viciously, even if the other person is being rude. (I don’t know their life or what they’re going through) Kill them with kindness, but take no sh*t. (Is that my new mantra??)

I did end up talking to Voldemort corporate (I still can’t believe He Who Must Not Be Named went corporate. So disappointing!) and I did exactly what my new mantra entailed: I was polite, but I was assertive. I gave the lady my information and the story of what happened. She wasn’t too much help and couldn’t give me an answer or a solution, so I said, “You’ve been super nice and patient with me and I just want to thank you, but is there anyone else in your department or at Voldemort corporate who can help me?” She said that I had probably come to the end of the line for any help from anyone there, and I thanked her and hung up.

See? That wasn’t too bad! I may not have gotten what I wanted, but I am being productive and taking my own advice. No more bullsh*t. I am getting things done (or at least trying) and standing up for myself. Which meant that yes, I filed a complaint against the dental office with the Better Business Bureau and am asking for a full refund. Because I literally have the receipts. BOOM.

And because of my new mantra, I am no longer the go between for my family. Instead of complaining to me or playing telephone between family members or friends, I now say, “I totally get it, but I think you should talk to so-and-so directly and explain it to them so they understand. You two need to TALK to each other and work it out on your own.” Which I’ve said several times to some of my family members who are having tiffs. I am done with being stuck in the middle. I am not neutral anymore, unless I decide to be. I want to keep the peace in my family life, but I also need to keep peace within myself too!

As a normally quiet person who internalizes everything, I know I'm going to need to find that balance between tenacity and niceness. I'm one of those people that usually keeps everything in until it reaches a boiling point and then the lid comes shooting off and everything I've been keeping inside comes out as a vitriolic spew over any poor soul who comes within 10 feet of me (meaning my family). But I know that this is the right path for me, and soon I will come to find that balance of assertiveness and kindness. It will just take a lot of practice but I’m ready to work on it!

Because like I said before, this is more than just not taking any more bullsh*t. It’s about not being taken advantage of, tricked, or walked over. I can’t wait for things to be magically fixed, I have to fix them myself and be productive. It’s about standing up for myself and being my own advocate- whether it’s for my health, my money, or just my own person. I am going to speak up for myself, be strong, and fix what was wrong and get what’s right. If other people can do it, than so can I! And if nothing else, I have to try to get what I need and what I want, because I deserve it! (Take that, low self-esteem!) And it’s not just a resolution: it’s a new way of life and a change of character. And a good one, at that.

So look out world! Emily in 2020 (and for the rest of the years to come) is ready to get sh*t done and figured out and she will not go down without a fight! (Seriously, I’m not letting go of this dental fiasco. I’m in it and ready!) A very polite fight, because I still believe everyone should be treated with kindness. Unless they really truly deserve, in which case then I will go in on them with my vitriolic spew! Other than that though, I’ll be that great mix of boss babe and Mother Theresa.

And that is my New Year’s resolution goal for 2020 AND my new life mantra! What do you think of my new mantra? Which mantra do you like best? No more bullsh*t, take no sh*t, or kill them with kindness but take no sh*t? I think I’m leaning towards the last one! Wish me luck on my new journey! Also, do you do New Year’s resolutions or goals? Let me know if you do or don’t!

Stay Weird,
Emily


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18 comments on "Why My New Year's Resolution Is My New Life Mantra"
  1. Ooo I like this new attitude! Being an introvert sucks in that sense, I hate confrontations and always tries my best to keep the peace too, sometimes at the expense of my happiness. So I'm glad you're going to take no sh*t moving forward!
    I'm glad you're protecting yourself and being your own advocate, because no one else can do it for us. All the best in your new life!
    I hope you get your money back. I hate those fraudulent businesses. On the other hand, it sounds like this is a blessing in disguise. :)
    Coincidentally, I came up with a mantra too! You'll see what it is next Saturday. :p Also, I like "kill them with kindness but take no sh*t", it shows your personality better!
    I'm so happy for you!

    Julie | Darkbluejournal.com

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    Replies
    1. Hi Julie! Why, thank you! :) It really does suck sometimes to be an introvert, you're right. You're usually calm, quiet, and nice to everyone you meet, but they have no idea of the brewing storm that's inside you! I'm so glad you approve of my new mantra though :)

      Thank you! I've usually had other people be my advocate, but now I know no on is going to know you or take better care of you than yourself!

      Sadly, I just got contacted by the Better Business Bureau saying they never heard back from the business so they're going to close my case :( I'm disappointed, but I'm going to try to talk to Walmart again. Just in case. And you're right, I think it IS a blessing in disguise. Sometimes it takes something not that great to make something good happen!

      Ooh I'm excited to read it!! I think I like that one the best too! So I think I'll go for that as my new saying/mantra/way of life! And thank you! You're so sweet! Thank you for always being so amazing and supportive <3

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  2. This was such an interesting post! Like you I never really keep up with my New Year's Resolutions and instead have opted for words that I want to guide my life for the year. I can't wait to see how your new mantra impacts your life this coming year!

    - Avalon from www.simplyavalon.com

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    1. Hi!! Thank you so much for your wonderful comment! I'm glad I'm not the only one who has a hard time with New Year's Resolutions! But I like that mine is more of a goal and a new way of life, so it's a bit easier and puts less pressure on me. Thank you! I hope whatever you pick as your goal for 2020 helps you and makes your year even better! :) Thank you so much for reading my post! <3

      Delete
  3. Good for you!! You have you're own life to handle never mind everyone elses s***. I'd be furious with Voldermort too proud of you for sticking to your mantra.

    Hope you have a great New Year.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Michelle, for the encouraging words!! I'm really going to try to stick to my goal and stand up for myself more. I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with Voldemort, even though the thought of confrontation is terrifying. But I promised myself, so I'll continue to fight! :)

      Thank you so much for your encouragement, plus reading and commenting! You're amazing! And Happy New Year to you too! <3

      Delete
  4. I would've been on a high for days after confronting someone like that so that's freaking awesome ��

    I can totally understand wanting to stay away from confrontation, I've been like that most of my life, but I guess working with the public since I was 17 has helped me become a bit more confident and stand up for myself so I wish you all the luck with your new life mantra. You got this ❤

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    1. Hi Meagan! Haha thanks! I wasn't on a high afterwards, but I think was just me having a panic attack afterwards like, "did I really just do that??" lol.

      I'm jealous of your confidence! But I guess if you've worked for the public for so long, you probably just become immune to certain things! I wish I had that, haha. You're a much stronger and braver person than I! Thank you so much! I'm going to need the luck since this is so not me, but I know I need to stand up for myself and not give up for once. Thank you so much for your awesome words of encouragement and giving me some much needed confidence! I'll try to emulate your confidence and go for it! :)

      Delete
  5. I love the "Take no sh*t" mantra the best! And that's awesome that you're making that your mantra! I need to do the same. With my anxiety and everything, it's really easy for me to just let things pass by because I don't wanna deal with confrontation. I just might have to make that my mantra as well!

    Deandra| theblackprincessdiaries.com

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    1. Hi Deandra! Ooh I like that one too! But I think I love them all because they all basically mean the same thing to me. But "take no sh*t" is so classic and simple. It gets right to the point! Oh, I totally get that. I hate confrontation too, but I'm trying to remind myself that I can do so in a respectful manner. Bonus points if I don't cry! lol. I hope if you do end up having that as your mantra it'll help you too. We deserve to stand up for ourselves! <3

      Thank you so much for reading and your lovely comment! <3

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  6. This sounds like a nightmare for you! How strange that they just vanished overnight! But well done on the new attitude. I like your mantra - I think we should all that take on board a bit more! Happy New Year! x

    Jenny
    http://www.jennyinneverland.com

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    1. Hi Jenny! Oh, it was a TOTAL nightmare! And it's an ongoing one too! I know, right?? I'm still perplexed and working on what to do and putting my new mantra to work! Aww thank you! I'm so glad you approve! :) And Happy New Year to you too! I hope it's a great one for you! <3 <3 <3

      Thank you so much for reading and commenting! It really means so so much to me! <3

      Delete
  7. Sounds like a good New Years resolution. It’s a great way to live your life! I hope this works for you in 2020! I have set goals personal and blogging instead of resolutions this year. Thanks for sharing xx

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    1. Hi Lauren! Aw thank you! I quite like it myself :) And I hope it works too. I'm really trying to make it work and hopefully it'll really help. Oooh, awesome! I hope your personal and blogging goals go well and you get to check off each and every one of them! <3

      Thank you so much for reading and commenting!!

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  8. I love the new mantra! :D

    I have kind of done the opposite of you, I used to be really quiet and shy but now I'm just a little ball of anger - but that's something I'm working on this year!

    Sophie - https://thecoffeelawdiary.blogspot.com/

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    1. Hi Sophie! Aww thank you so much!! I personally like the new mantra too :)

      Oh really? I totally get that though! I'm actually a little jealous that you can express your anger! Maybe if we switched a little bit, we could even each other out, haha. But that's a great goal to work on! I hope we can both get to where we want to be in 2020! <3

      Thank you so much for reading and commenting! You're the best!

      Delete
  9. What a thorough and detailed post! I am so with you on setting resolutions only to let go half way through the year. I LOVE your mantra, it's definitely one to live by. Good luck, I'm sure 2020 will be an amazing year for you x

    Jordanne || Thelifeofaglasgowgirl.co.uk

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    1. Hi Jordanne! Thank you so much! It was hard post to work on, but I think it was an important one for me to do and hold myself accountable! And thanks! I really like it too. It's so me and yet so not me at the same time. Aww thank you, girl! I hope it's an amazing year for you too! You deserve it <3

      Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I'm so so grateful xoxo

      Delete

Hi and thank you for reading! All comments will be moderated and spam comments deleted. Rude comments will be kept if I find them hilarious. And if you're a fellow blogger, please leave your site/link in your comment so I can leave you one back! <3

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