Sunday, April 9, 2017 / 4 Comments

I Hated the Patronus Pottermore Gave Me- So Here's What I Did About It

Pottermore/That Weird Girl Life
If you're a Harry Potter fan, it's more than likely that you have a Pottermore account. Because if you're a fan, why wouldn't you want extra information about the characters, creatures, and events of the wizarding world? But the biggest draw for fans? The quizzes to see which Hogwarts house you'd be sorted into (you know, if you were actually a witch or wizard and lived in the British wizarding world), what wand you'd have, what Ilvermorny house you'd be sorted into (you know, if you were actually a witch or wizard and lived in the American wizarding world), and now what animal your Patronus would take it's shape as! (Would it be your favorite animal? An animal that represents you? Who knows but we were about to find out!!) I, along with every other HP fan, was ecstatic and had to take the quiz RIGHT THIS SECOND. Even though I was actually in my hotel's lobby/lounge area/bar in Paris at the time, trying to talk to my father and also trying to take the quiz in a very loud and crowded hotel lobby.

But when I took the quiz, something bad happened. Maybe I wasn't paying enough attention to the quiz, maybe I was paying attention, but my results were... unexpectedly bad, in my opinion. Let me walk you through it.

Let's start with my original Pottermore account. I joined Pottermore back when you could explore it chapter by chapter and you could collect items, duel with other users, and brew potions (which were super hard to do. You have no idea how many times I tried to make the Polyjuice potion so I could advance to the next chapter. It took months. MONTHS! And then Pottermore stopped with the whole exploring each book's chapters thing so all of my hard work was lost). But before I joined Pottermore I didn't have a Hogwarts house I even identified with, so I was so eager to find out which house I truly belonged to. Because you can take as many unauthorized online sorting quizzes but everyone knows that the Pottermore quiz is the only true definite quiz of it's kind, mainly because it was conceived by JK Rowling herself.

Here are the results from my original Pottermore account from years back!

My Original Pottermore Account

My Wand:

Pottermore/That Weird Girl Life
Not knowing anything really about wands, I was perfectly happy with my results. Unicorn hair? Cool! (Ethically sourced at least, I hoped. Do they just yank those hairs out of a unicorn's mane or tail??) Quite Bendy and flexible? Whatever, I HAVE A WAND!!

My Hogwarts House:

Pottermore/That Weird Girl Life
I remembered being a little disappointed when I was first sorted into Ravenclaw. After reading the books, who didn't want to be a Gryffindor? But after remembering the most memorable and unique Ravenclaw of them all aka the magnificent Luna Lovegood, I was totally okay with everything that being a Ravenclaw stood for: being intelligent (I wish), sharp (sometimes, but only in humor, not meanness), wise (only when giving advice to friends but never taking the advice myself), and individuality (aka being weird. Totally me!!). But I do have some rather Hufflepuff qualities like patience (towards others, not myself), loyalty, and fairness (I hate cheating of any kind). But I think being placed in Ravenclaw really identifies with my odd spirit and interests. I think it's safe to say that if Luna and I had gone to Hogwarts together, we totally would have been best friends. No one would call her Loony on MY watch!

My Ilvermorny House:

Pottermore/That Weird Girl Life


Since the news of the American wizarding school Ilvermorny was just announced last year, we've only had JK Rowling's writing to go on about the qualities of each house. Each of Ilvermorny's houses is named after a magical creature from North America. The Horned Serpent, the house I was sorted into, represents the mind of a wizard or witch, and favors scholars. Even though JK Rowling wrote that the Ilvermorny houses are totally different from the Hogwarts houses, I feel like the Horned Serpent house is the American version of Ravenclaw. Which I'm perfectly fine with, because that means if I were actually a witch I would have gone to a wizarding school right here in the good ol' US of A! Though I'd still be down to be a foreign exchange student studying abroad at Hogwarts..
Which leads me to last September, on that fateful night in Paris where I tried to take the Patronus quiz on my phone. I was distracted, tired, jet lagged, but so eager to figure out what my Patronus would be (who doesn't need protection from dementors?). But I had no idea there was a time limit (sort of) and I may have not been paying close enough attention to the questions that were given to me. And so I ended up with THIS as my Patronus:

My *sob* Patronus:

Pottermore/That Weird Girl Life
WHAT??? What. The. NOOOO! A blackbird? A BLACKBIRD???

Pottermore/That Weird Girl Life
No. No. No. No. This will not stand! A bird? My Patronus is a freaking BIRD? This is the magical animal guardian produced by the Patronus spell that will protect me from dementors? Um, I think not. I'm sure a blackbird is a fine Patronus for some other witch or wizard, but for me? Nope. Not at all.

My main question: how does a blackbird represent me?? How?? The quiz doesn't give an explanation at all for WHY a blackbird would be my Patronus. So for that reason alone and for the fact that the only use for blackbirds is in a nursery rhyme about having four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie and LITERALLY NO ONE WANTS BLACKBIRD PIE, I reject the idea/conclusion that a blackbird of all animals is my Patronus!!!

Basically, I was just a tad bit upset about my Pottermore Patronus results (I'm sure you may have noticed). I knew in my heart of hearts that a blackbird was surely NOT my Patronus, so after waiting a while and ruminating over this very (not) serious problem, I decided to do the unthinkable: make a new Pottermore account and take the damn quiz again.

Here are the (hopefully) better results from the Patronus quiz that I took, where I made sure that I was NOT distracted nor in a foreign country (that honestly the best way to take an important quiz, anyway):

My New Pottermore Account

My Wand:
Pottermore/That Weird Girl Life
First it was a unicorn hair that was my wand core and now it's a Phoenix feather? Whatever, it's a wand. As long as the Phoenix feather didn't come from the same bird as a Dark Lord, I think I'm good. The first wand seems more girly and honestly looks prettier so I think I'm going to stick with my first wand (but of course my ideal wand looks-wise would be a mix of Hermione's and Luna's from the HP movies, duh).

My Hogwarts House:

Pottermore/That Weird Girl Life
Now, THIS was interesting! I've always felt like in some ways I was quite a Ravenpuff, but now it has been officially confirmed! I bet if the Sorting Hat had been placed on my head, I would have been one of those hat stalls, where it takes the Sorting Hat forever to place a student. Because if the Sorting Hat would have asked me if I'd rather live in a tower with fellow weirdos or live near the kitchens behind a giant portrait of fruit that you have to tickle the pear to get into the common room, I'd be incredibly torn and it would just have to make the decision for me. Thank goodness I'm not in charge of things! But in all honesty, I do now identify with being a Ravenclaw, with some Hufflepuff qualities. The two most underrated Hogwarts houses, IMHO. (Don't hex me, Slytherins and Gryffindors!)

My Ilvermorny House:

Pottermore/That Weird Girl Life
Hmmm.... Pottermore sorted me into the Pukwudgie Ilvermorny house. Pukwudgie represents the heart of a witch or wizard and favors healers. Again, no offense JK, but Pukwudgie also seems to be the American counterpart to another Hogwarts house, only this time Hufflepuff. Doesn't that description of Pukwudgie exactly describe a fair and loyal Hufflepuff? I don't know about this "healer" thing because honestly I tend to faint at the sight of blood (my own and others). But the whole representing the heart I'm here for!

I took all of the other quizzes first and saved this for last. My Patronus. My REAL Patronus, not a dumb blackbird. And for now...the moment of truth:

My Patronus (aaaaaahhhh it better not be a bird and if it is a bird it better at least be a frickin' cute Kiwi bird!!):

Pottermore/That Weird Girl Life
Oh em gee it's a kitty cat!!!! Yay!!! And not just any cat, a GINGER cat! Soooo much better than a boring ol' blackbird!

Pottermore/That Weird Girl Life
Look how cute it is, leaping about all misty and stuff! I wonder what having a ginger cat represents. Does it mean I'm secretly scrappy or that I need a scrappy magical creature guardian to protect me? Or did the quiz somehow know that I was a cat person and that just any old animal wouldn't do because honestly I'm always covered in cat hair and I get excited and squeal whenever I see a cat, even it's a stray and have to make it's acquaintance and that cats just make everything in life better so it obviously had to be a cat?? 

But who cares, I have a GINGER CAT as my Patronus!!

Pottermore/That Weird Girl Life
So is this my official Patronus? I have no idea. The Pottermore quizzes are probably the most definitive on the internet, as JK Rowling had a hand in coming up with them (being the mastermind of the wizarding world that she is), but we'll never truly know what our actual wands, houses, and Patronuses we'd actually have unless we actually lived in the wizarding world. So until JK finally outs the wizarding world and most of us HP fans finally realize we're all actually wizards and witches, we'll just have to settle for our Pottermore versions and what we actually feel in our hearts.

Did I cheat to find a Patronus that I actually identified with? Hell yes. Do I feel bad for doing it? Hell no. It was completely worth it. I love my cute lil ginger cat Patronus! As long as I have it and a pocketful of chocolate, I'll be prepared for any dementor that I come into contact with!

-Emily

Have any of you taken the Patronus quiz on Pottermore? What animal did you get? Were you happy with your results or did you utterly hate them like I did? Let me know in the comments! 
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4 comments:

  1. I can't remember what my wand is (but who really cares tho, right?), I'm a proud Huffledor (but mostly Hufflepuff since I've done the quiz a few times and got Gryffindor once and Hufflepuff every other time), a Thunderbird, and my patronus is a Hedgehog. I don't mind hedgehogs, but how is a tiny little hedgehog going to defend against a massive dementor? Nice post!

    Nicky x | nickyjane99.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you so much for reading my post and commenting! :) I'm a total Ravenclaw, but I do somewhat also consider myself a Ravenpuff (I mean, who doesn't love Hufflepuff??). And honestly, I never remember my wand type either! Hedgehogs are adorable, but you're right, how would they scare off a dementor??? That's how I felt about my first Patronus (the blackbird) and I'm much happier having a ginger cat as my Patronus now. Maybe hedgehogs are secretly ferocious and have a snippy attitude that dementors just can't handle! ;D

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  2. I feel like I cheated, I was looking for answers on how to get the stag or doe and you know what happens i get a stag after cloaing the tab and taking the test. Now i don't know if my brain remembered the answers but i feel so bad!

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  3. I got a blackbird, and I loved it. My friends and I first chose to interpret it as a literal black bird, as we felt some sort of corvid would be more fitting for me, but as I learned about the meaning behind the blackbird, I was extremely confident that it was correct. Clarity, idealism, but a tempered intelligence and analytic mindset that kept me grounded. I'm curious and passionate, unwilling to bend against my own will just for the sake of others. I've always loved birds, the idea of having wings and being able to go somewhere with no grounding always intrigued me. Besides, the golden beak and rimmed eyes of the blackbird, along with their light twittery tune added whimsicality to their dark, mundane reputation that I identified with far more than any crow or raven. Blackbirds are far from dumb, they are a beam of light in the darkness! I love my patronus, and found this page when I looked up "blackbird patronus" to see if anyone else got the same result. I'm a little saddened that you didn't like your first result, but a ginger cat seems much more fitting to your seemingly finicky temperament, and people certainly know themselves better than anyone, so if you didn't feel a blackbird was you, you're probably right.

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